I've flirted with the idea of going makeup-less before. I've never quite understood why I should wear makeup, why my face wasn't okay as-is. For a grown woman, wearing makeup is so overwhelmingly normal in America that stepping outside without it draws instant attention. I know people make comments and judgements. It just isn't pleasing to see someone not covering their flaws, and I understand that. I've made judgements about other women plenty of times. Like, oh, she could use some make up, why isn't she covering that up? That foundation doesn't match, she should draw her eyebrows in; is she on the way to the gym or just running errands and she doesn't care what she looks like? Even the seemingly innocuous 'you look so pretty today!' said to a woman who has nailed her makeup application for the day.
I had a friend whose mother demanded she wear makeup from the age of eight. I've had a guy tell me he felt deflated the first time he hung out with his high school crush and she wasn't wearing makeup. My old boss one day walked in and told my coworker that she needed to put some makeup on for work. I've been told when I put on makeup, "there's the Angela I love!" Since I stopped wearing make up I've been asked when I'm going to start again. The honest answer is I don't know if I ever will.
There are plenty of people who say 'oh you don't need makeup'. I appreciate the sentiment, but it seems like these people either 1. Don't mean that you should never wear makeup, only that it is an option and make up is also appreciated. Perhaps even more so than no makeup. 2. Don't understand what no make up actually looks like. Sometimes women say they aren't wearing makeup when they are wearing natural looking make up. It's confusing. Or 3. Still most likely make the same judgements about women not wearing makeup that we all make, they just realize it's dickish to demand others wear make up.
Of course there are people who prefer no makeup, but they are outliers. I'm looking around right now at the store I'm at and every woman here is wearing makeup. Every single one.
So why did I stop wearing makeup? I think I stopped being scared. I stopped fearing comparison. I stopped worrying that I wouldn't attract a mate. I stopped caring if other women judged me. I decided that if my boss at work decided I wasn't promotable because I didn't present myself the way that was expected of me - even though I groom myself and get my eyebrows threaded still and spend too much on hair cuts - that I would be okay.
This is something I feel strongly about now. It took me a long time to realize the quiet injustice of the expectation we put on women to cover their flaws. Women do it to other women, men expect it of women, we do it to ourselves. We objectify ourselves when we set an unrealistic expectation that we look flawless every time we walk out the door. We are telling people we care too much about outward appearances, that we are afraid, that society has a right to judge our natural faces.
You are not your makeup. You are not ugly without makeup.
The funny thing is, it really isn't about the makeup at all. It's about how we feel about ourselves. Its about how we let others determine our self worth. It's about the expectations we let others impose on us.
I know it's scary to let yourself be exposed when no one else is. I'm not going to ask you to take off your makeup today and I'm not going to judge you for wearing it. But for now, I'm not going to wear make up anymore, and I would appreciate your support and understanding. I'm hoping that one day when I look around I will see people's real faces.
